Sunday, February 10, 2008

I HATE Doing That.

I realized yesterday one of the things I absolutely HATE doing. What is it you ask?

... Going to the grocery store.

I can't stand it. Problems start in the parking lot, head to the isles, run ramped in the checkout line and are still there in the parking lot waiting for you when you're done.

Here is why I hate it:

You pull into the grocery store and someone steals your spot - when you clearly have your blinker on and have been waiting an eternity for that slow ass grocery shopper to get in their car and get the heck out of there. Finally, you find an open spot! You try to swing in the spot but the jackass next to you is over the line. So you have to back out and find a farther out spot because you don't want that piece of shit to hit your car with their car door... obviously they don't care about their own car seeing as it has a trash bag for a window. Then you walk in and literally every cart has some piece of shit in it, or they're wet from the rain outside, or they just look down right dingy. You opt for a basket, but of course they are all out. So you decide to buy only what you can carry. But why is it that the things you tend to want are the heaviest damn things in the whole grocery store? I'm not even going to mention how all the apples are bruised and all the milk leaks... Oh, I guess I mentioned it anyway. You get to shopping and of course you have to deal with those idiots with screaming kids who bump into you and those retards who don't understand grocery store traffic patterns. Seriously it's just like driving a car, stay to the right. It makes things SO much easier. Then there is that lady who is standing there staring at the two practically identical tubs of butter contemplating which one to pick. Seriously lady, It's butter. Butter is butter I don't care how you slice it - just fucking pick one... and please tune into the fact that I've been standing here the past 5 minutes patiently waiting for you to decide... you are in my way and I need to grab that stick of butter that I know I want. Move it!

Finally you've got what you want. Your hand is frozen, your left arm is about to fall off and if you don't put this stuff down soon those eggs are going to meet the ground and scramble themselves. So you run to the "15 Items or less" isle only to find a lady in front of you- her cart spilling over with funyuns and squeeze-its. You look over and the self checkout lane has about thirty people waiting with one item each so you decide to wait it out (did I mention I hate self check out lanes?) It is finally your turn and you order your stuff on the little conveyor belt. You put all the cold stuff together and the soft things like chips and bread at the end. However those morons they call baggers seriously just DON'T get it. Sure, put my magazine with the sweating gallon of milk, oh and while your at it, please set that bag directly on top of the bag containing my bag of sun chips - I'll eat them with a spoon I guess. As the cashier is ringing you up you realize you forgot your plus card (or whatever card it is they make you bring to save money, only so that they can track your spending habits) They ask you for it... you you don't have it. Does it end there? NO. "Put your phone number in, oh you don't know that phone number from 5 yrs ago anymore? Well do you want a new card? No, you can't get it from me" she routinely says as she points to the customer service desk staffed by one lonely sole, in front of which is a line of the 10 most recent dissatisfied customers. yeah right. I'll pay the extra money for my grocery's just NOT to stand it that line thank you very much!

When your done paying you walk out the door and across the cross walk where some ass in a car gives you the evil eye for walking in front of them. I have the right away bitch. Come a little closer and let me kick your piece of shit. You get to your car and there is a cart slammed into the front end. So much for parking farther back. You get in your car. Drive out of the parking lot, avoiding grandma who is on the wrong side of the lane (hey did you know traffic laws apply in parking lots! Who wudda thunk it) You get home and cringe as you think about bringing the grocery's in and putting all the crap away, and you just about go crazy when you open your trunk when you realize everything has made its way out of the bags and rolled all over your trunk on they way home.

Seriously I hate grocery shopping.


  1. Sorry babe. We have a "shopper" here, so if you get it on the automatically appears on the home shelf. THAT is LUXURY. I love luxuries btw.

  2. I totally agree with you. I spend a lot of time making sure everything is in order on the counter. I really hate it when they toss our candybars into the bag of soap and cleaning products. No, Mr. Bagger Person, I don't want my chips in the same bag as canned food. Duh! I'd rather bag the stuff myself.

  3. Your rant had me laughing -- not at you, but with you.

  4. The sad thing about baggers is that many have to go through training on proper bagging techniques. And most seem to ignore it until someone yells at them. Then they remember for a few days only to forget again.

    When I used to work in retail, there was a reason people walked away with a smile...because I used common sense when bagging, talked to my customers instead of being a mindless drone, and actually tried to have fun with the job (I know...not easy when running a register). The only time I ever had complaints was when someone could provide proper ID for alcohol or cigs and I actually followed the law and denied it...and they would get upset that I wouldn't bend the rules for them. Sorry, not losing my job because you don't have the common sense to carry an ID with you.

    You should hear a coworker's recent experience when he happened to be buying a few random things he needed for various purposes...that when purchased together set off system alarms because they happen to be important chemicals for building explosives. FUUUUUUNNY!

    Sorry you had a bad experience.